Coach's Notes: 5 1/2 Networking Principles

In a recent networking workshop these were the primary issues presented by the group:

1. I know my business really well but I am uncomfortable sharing it when I'm outside the office.
2. How do I move on, i.e., how do I bring closure to one conversation and get on to the a next person?
3. How do I network when I am looking for a job?
4. Most people don't need my services; they are not immediate prospects.
5. Most people who need my services don't know they need them.

Ok, so how to deal with each of these situations? I'll do so here by outlining some networking principles then weave the solutions around them. The principles are based on 5 C's:

1. Context
2. Content
3. Conscious Concentration
4. Caring
5. Curiosity and Confusion

1. CONTEXT

This includes discussing what you do in a way that matters from within the circumstances and perspectives of your conversation partner. I see a lot of work done around developing 30 second commercials or elevator speeches that try to tell everything about a person's business. The problem is that you just can't do that. Frankly, you don't WANT to do that. What you need to do is to show people that you understand them and that you can help them, which is all most people really care about.

Showing this begins with understanding the context within which the other person lives, thinks, and feels. It is as simple as saying, "Let me ask you a question - what kind of work do you do?"

When they tell you your next question is, "Can you tell me the biggest problem that you deal with on a day to day basis?"

Here you will find out what they think about and what worries them. Entrepreneurs don't wake up at 2 AM thinking "life coaching" for example. They wake up thinking: "cash flow.... now... please!" They wake up thinking: "employees... good ones... now... please!" And so on.

So start by understanding the context of the conversation and let that guide the information you deliver.

2) CONCENTRATED/CONSCIOUS

Be WITH the one you're with.

Some people have a troubling habit of looking past the person they are with, always trying to find the next person. When you are with someone give them your full attention.

Be interestED in other people. It will make you more interestING.

You be the judge of the appropriate length for a conversation. Just recognize that the immediate context of a conversation tends to be more appropriate for making a quick acquaintance than for deep conversation. Eventually it comes time to move on.

If you are in a roomful of people the easiest way to do this is to help the other person meet someone new. All you have to do is say, "You want to meet a few more people don't you? Let me introduce you around."

You can then either pass them along to someone else or just lead them around as you talk to new people. Trust me, they will appreciate the new introductions.

Even if you don't know anyone in the room - look for someone in the room who seems even more lost than you do. Introduce yourself and invite them to meet some more people. Take them around the room and introduce them to people you don't know either (aren't name tags great?).

3) CARING

This cannot be faked. Either you do or you don't. When people know that you really care about them and what they do, they will be comfortable in sharing information with you.

4) CONNECTIONS

It's not just about who you know. It's about who knows you and how they know you.

So stay in touch. Send a thank you note. Follow up with a phone call.

Miss Manners has told us to do this since we were little ones, simply because it is the civil thing to do. From a practical business point of view it is important because people tend to do more business with people they REMEMBER and people they feel good about. Get in the habit of letting people know that you sincerely appreciate them and they will respond accordingly.

Also, don't lose site of the fact that opportunities sometimes take a while to develop.

A good friend was at a wedding one Friday night and overheard that the bride's passport was not current and their planned honeymoon in Paris, France was in jeopardy. He made a few calls on Saturday morning and found a way to get her a current passport before her flight left on Monday morning.

Later the same day my friend found that his assistant had been diagnosed with a large tumor and needed some top-notch diagnostic work. The groom's father happened to be the top specialist in the city. My friend made a call, saying "This isn't why I helped your daughter-in-law, but I do need a favor." He got her the care she needed.

The point is that the time to make friends is before you need them.

You want to get quality people into your rolodex. Those people also have rolodexes - filled with quality people. The people who you know may not be the ones will hire you but they know those people. You never know where you connections are going to happen. Just keep making them and looking for ways to spread the success and it will come back to you.

5) CURIOUS & CONFUSED

If you are curious and confused you will keep asking questions and look for greater understanding. Honest curiosity, coupled with caring, will bring you more information than you ever imagined. And people will appreciate the interest. The better you understand the person you are speaking to the easier it is to put things in their terms, i.e., in a way to which they will best understand and relate.

5 1/2) A Final "Bonus" Point

This one doesn't start with a C but it's vitally important. Be SPECIFIC about what you want and what you do. General requests beget general results. General descriptions beget lukewarm responses.

There is likely to be a huge difference in the response you get by saying "I am thirsty" versus "Can you get me a glass of water?" Likewise you are going to get a far better result by saying something like "I work with female entrepreneurs in the 30 to 55 year age bracket who are in the financial service industry in Denver" than "I'm a business consultant."